Back in January I applied to the program, but I didn't find out I was placed until Friday, September 24. I then was given seven days to either accept or deny the offer, and after seven straight days of emotional turmoil, crying, thinking, praying, and debating, I accepted. The program starts on October 1st, but in true Spanish fashion, the process isn't very rushed (for them), so I will miss the orientation and almost the entire first month, but I will be there! Now I am waiting for them to get back to me with the details (city, stipend, etc), letter of acceptance, and all the forms I will need to get my visa. I spoke with a friend who has done the program before, and she said it can take around two weeks for them to get me these items. 8-/ Considering I'm already going to be late, this isn't news I wanted. Especially since after I get all of that, I still cannot leave until I have my visa (probably another couple weeks). I assume I will be on a plane in just under a month. It's scary as hell and very unexpected (I figured I wouldn't be placed since it had been so long and the program starts so soon), but it is an amazing opportunity that I have been manifesting since my tearful return from studying abroad over two years ago.
This was my plan -- when I graduated in December (2011) I told my parents that my plan was to work until the summer was over, then go to Spain. It didn't seem like it would actually happen at the time, because working for several months, then leaving and moving abroad doesn't usually line up too well. In my case though, it worked out perfectly. I worked a couple of temp jobs, and the one I'm in now ends this Friday (28th). God has aligned my stars, and it seems obvious that this is the next step I am supposed to take, but it doesn't make me feel any more certain of my decision to go.
I've been trying to figure out if it feels right (I'm big on trusting my gut and my feelings), and I still can't. One day I wake up excited about it all, the next, I am completely unsure and wondering if I've made the right choice. I don't think the emotional tug-of-war will end until I am there and settled. I am such an ambassador for traveling, doing things that scare you, and taking the big risks in life and doing things you've always dreamed of, but it's very hard to apply such heavy ideas to your own life, I've found. It's hard to leave behind people you love and care about, and it's especially hard to walk out of a relationship that has cultivated such a beautiful love. But as they usually do in my life, I believe the stars will continue to align.
Welcome, to my biggest adventure thus-far. :)
Today's Thought: What am I doing?
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